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I remember the time well. When I think back, I still get a sinking feeling to this day. My husband had told me he wanted a divorce. I barely saw him anymore it seemed. I can’t remember how many nights he spent sleeping at his parents house, but if felt like a lot. I had just found out I was pregnant with my third baby. I had two handsome little boys. But when I told my husband of the new pregnancy he got quiet and depressed. I think a combination of work and the mounting debt we had taken on with the “fixer upper” I had talked him into “flipping” had just gone over some invisible line. There were other things involved also that I didn’t know of at the time. More on that later. But suddenly, I felt so very alone. My family was on the other side of the country, his family were…well, his family.
I remember being at the store and feeling like an un-wed mother. Because my husband had deserted me at the time. If I could sum it up in one word it would be: REJECTED!
But I learned to lean on someone else during that time. And it wasn’t just my mom or my best friend. Actually I found that when I stopped talking about it to my Mom and my best friend, things started to get better. Why? Probably because I wasn’t amplifying all my problems constantly.
Here are some of the things I learned:
- God was my Husband. Capitol H.- It’s actually one of the names of God. I would talk to My heavenly Father about my problems and He would respond back to me. Even though my earthly husband had left me, my Heavenly Husband never left my side. He promises to Never leave. When a problem arises we are instructed to cast our cares on God for He cares for us.
- I had to control my emotions or they would control me. God told me it was my choice. I was a little…shall we say, stung that He told me this and in response I told Him HE was the one that gave me emotions and it was part of being human. (As if He didn’t know that.) He didn’t say any more about it, and I knew I could choose to feel sorry for myself or choose joy. It was not easy. It didn’t happen overnight either.
- Talking is good, and talking is bad. Sometimes we need to be quiet. Sometimes we need to speak, but we need to speak Life into our atmosphere because of all the death, destruction and cursing that has been spoken over us and to us. Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and Life are in the power of the tongue. And those who love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” THE Best place to find Life Words To Speak is the Bible. The Word of God. I bet you could even google that very phrase and get a bunch of great examples. God’s Word is active and living. Use it to infuse your home, your life, your atmosphere, your family, your neighbors, your animals with life. It’s what God Himself used to breathe everything in the Universe into existence.
- Whatever God tells you to do… DO IT! Simple. So hard to do sometimes. He told me to not leave. To stay. To not abandon ship. He used the story of the Apostle Paul being shipwrecked to speak to me and He kept repeating it to me wherever I’d go. It was a common theme for me. In that story the Apostle Paul is lost at sea with a crew and a captain that won’t listen to him. They are losing hope, haven’t eaten for days. And an angel appears to Paul and tells him that as long as everyone stays aboard the ship- though there will be great loss to the ship and it’s cargo, there will be no loss of life. But if anyone abandons ship, the angel cannot guarantee anyone’s safety. I had so many excuses I could’ve used to get out of this one. I was pregnant and it wasn’t safe for the sake of the baby’s health because of the stress…My husband wanted me to leave. He told me later that during this time he was hoping I would leave and give him more of an excuse. It’s not easy to stay somewhere you don’t want to be, with someone who doesn’t want you to be there. Especially when your “other half” believes that your life together was a big mistake and that they don’t even love you anymore. Faith believes when there is no evidence- faith is the evidence. To this day I still marvel that I listened to God when He said “It’s going to be okay.” And “Don’t Abandon Ship.” That’s what He told me. But you have to ask Him for yourself, He may tell you something different. There are so many situations out there. Ask Him. Then, believe Him. But make sure it lines up with His Word- the Bible.
- Let The Unbeliever Leave. I so wanted to leave and hide somewhere peaceful and quiet. But these words from scripture echoed in me. If anyone was going to leave it wasn’t going to be me. The Apostle Paul talking about marriage says in 1 Corinthians 7: 15 “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.” My husband was not an unbeliever and neither was I. So I was not to act like an unbeliever. The scripture instructs christians: 1 Corinthians 7: 10 “And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife departfrom [her] husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.” I knew I had to stick with what the Word of God said. I put out of my head ideas of starting over with someone else who would actually love me and treat me better. And that was a continuing struggle.
I’m so glad I chose to listen to God though. If I would have left I probably would be a single mom right now living with my parents and who knows what would have happened to my husband. And Thank God now we have added 3 more extra beautiful babies since then. I thank God everyday. Our marriage has been more than renewed- it feels transformed. I mean, it was dead- and it came back to life.
So, if you’re in a bad place, a rough patch- no matter who’s fault it is or was. Turn to the miracle maker. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is your Husband. He is your Comforter. If you want more info on Jesus go here.